Nothing's been right lately. Been getting sleepless nights and all that crappy stuff that follows it. Now it seem as though those people nearest to me are distancing out. I don't belong, anywhere. What am I supposed to be? What am I living for? What is the meaning of life? What are friends? What does being loved mean? What does loving another person mean? I'm so confused now. Freaked out. He's no longer the same. Sometimes I'm wondering whether he meant the things he have said. Whether my judgement in him is right.

The past keeps hauting me. It's getting more and more often. I'm afraid that it's like a nightmare come alive. Nothing's going right. I thought I've walked out of that dark past of mine, forget it for good. I'm totally wrong. I haven't forget one tiny part of it. It haunts me even worst when I feel alone and abandoned. Just like now. It's a wound that will never heal. No, never. Not in the following ten decades I guess. It's still bleeding, it's a permanent scar that cannot be erased. It'll remain with me forever. Who said that painful memories will fade along with time? It ain't happening for me. It haunts me even worse than before.

Sometimes, I wish that I don't have a dream. In that way, I will never need to worry about not meeting expectations, fufilling them. 'Coz it hurts me just as much. The pressure's crushin'. I ain't sure how long I can hang on for now. Being like this always makes me think whether I do belong to the asylum or maybe one day, I'll be a permanent resident there if my life goes on at this rate.

BUT I DO NOT KNOW WHAT ON EARTH IS TROUBLING ME. NOBODY CAN HELP ME EVEN IF THEY WANT TO. 'COZ I MYSELF DON'T KNOW WHAT'S THE FUCKIN' PROBLEM WITH MYSELF.

If I were a robot, I would just press the self destruct button and end this misery myself.

ransom letter