Everyone has their own share of love stories; their own version of heartbreak; their own untold secrets behind their sad love story. I am no exception either. Only at seventeen, I would say I've been through my own roller coaster ride through love. Or maybe I'm too young and even naive to know what love is. Maybe it was only like. Whatever it was, whatever it is it breaks my heart even after months after I left him. Meeting him was really a very scary experience. I had the fear of having that familiar feeling back. That gentle, warm, caring side of him that touched my heart. The look in his eyes that melts my heart. The small little actions that makes my heart pound. How he sweeps my hair, how he runs his fingers through it, how he playfully touch my nose, my forehead. The way he let his fingers stroke my face from the cheekbone to the jaw; the smell of him when I am in his embrace, the soft lips that touch my forehead. Everything. In the end, I still lost. Stupid, useless me. Even after how hurt I've gotten, how mean he was to me, I just can't stop feeling for him. Be it love or like, I'm never myself.

ransom letter


So I convinced myself that talking to my ex won't be too much of a bad thing actually. In the end it kind of hurt a little but I would say, we've both changed and it's pretty much impossible. I still do miss him for the times we had together but love him? That's really way out of my capabilities. I draw my own conclusion that it isn't so bad to talk to my ex after all cause I actually feel that : yeah, tie all the lose ends up and let's have a fresh start each, without each other.

Camp is tomorrow and I should sleep soon. Goodnight world.

ransom letter


So after today I practically have nothing to look forward to in my entire holidays. I will be going out still but point taken it's all for projects and stuff. Loads of work waiting for me to clear. I certainly do not have much time when school starts again to complete everything that's left. Ironically, my term break actually starts next week. Moving on, I did some math and found out that my exams are in two months time. How sweet is that? I just had my Common Test. I also found out that my bank account is literally drying up. Have to watch my expenditure from now on and also get a job next vacation. Though I really wish that I can go to China and visit my Grandmother. That's going to cost quite a bit so it'll be off my to-do list for quite a while. Today was kind of awkward cause it wasn't the usual bunch that hang out together so essentially I kind of ignored the guys. So we went to catch a movie, Madagascar III and it was really very hilarious. It's something that cannot happen in real life but you just can't help but just be dumb for some moments. After all, if you're constantly this serious, life is not going to be anywhere near fun. Back to the movie, it does bring across a message or two despite it being comical and all. To rise from previous failures and also to step out of your comfort zone to achieve something greater. After the movie, for the sake of not wasting my train fare, we walked around the mall (while the guys went home) and miraculously I bought nothing today. Like absolutely nothing after I've been into a bookstore and actually went to the multimedia section and looked at those albums that I want so badly. Maybe not too badly but it has been on my wishlist mentally for quite a while now. All right, it's pretty late now. I'll update some other time this holiday cause I'll be really bored at a certain point of time and end up just wanting to type something. Hahas. Cheers to my health! Seeing everyday in a different light. :D

ransom letter


我内心的挣扎又有何人知？所受的煎熬又有和人解？如此艰难的路程唯有寡人独行，旁人只能默默的关照着正在逃脱病魔的我。即使有心协助也无能余力。这个考验唯有靠本人所有的意志力去跨越那道阻挡着我奔向生命的墙。微笑后的真正目的是为了不要让大家为我操心。说我傻也罢。我只是想把最快乐的一面带给大家，因为那是我唯一能做到的一件事。同时，我也很害怕在路程上会遇到一个自暴自弃的我。如果连自己都放弃了，那还有谁能帮得了我？目前的心情只有用无奈两字来形容。

ransom letter


Guess I'm pretty out of the usual self lately. Feeling emotional for no good reason, and point taken, I don't even know what Im brooding over. I hope Ill be better soon cause this feeling is downright depressing. To everyone out there encountering the annoying imageshack problem, I've already registered my domain but it has yet to respond and give my blog the pretty pictures it deserves. They still can be clicked though. Just hover round the ugly frogs and click and you can find my archives, tagboxc etc. (:

Labels: Suppression is the origination of suffocation. Let yourself loose and take a breath.

ransom letter


Bonjour! I guess I should really start practicing how to speak and write it. After all practice makes perfect. I'm just a starter with the language so I guess I'm really going to go easy with myself. Still, trying is better than nothing.

I've been feeling really down these two days. Worried over my friend, slightly fretting over common test, missing my family and my grandmother, my current health condition. I don't know how I can still pull a poker face while crying but I guess that comes with years of experience. I'm always out to hide things, conceal my feelings but I've learnt my lesson, I shall suppress myself no more for it does me no good. I'll face whatever is coming, express whatever I want be it if it's a guy that I like. There's no wrong in liking someone. Definitely something's wrong if you're obsessed though. I'll keep that balance in check. Remaining friends with the people you like is really a chore though. It's like the hardest thing ever but sometimes it's still best to leave it that way.

I'm much of a immature kid still though I'm seventeen this year. I have much to learn and I really appreciate that guy that has always been helping me (not very much but just by listening to me sort out my thoughts and emotions can sometimes remove my mental block) and listening to what I have to say no matter how nonsensical it can get. At the same time, he's my source of good advice in a way. An absolutely lovely friend and of course not forgetting to mention the others too. They're all lovely and wonderful. It's just that sometimes I really want to talk to them in real person, not over the phone via text or call but face to face. Sometimes I really want to talk to someone but I just don't feel like it. It's not that I do not trust but more of I just want to wrap myself up in the little cocoon of mine and let self destruction occur. It's complicated. I've got no idea how to put it in words but this is what I have right now.

I shall continue to study for my common test. I'm kind of wasting time over here posting but it seems to be the only thing that makes me feel better right now. I miss the kind of times I have the people that I trust around me physically and I can just go over to tell them how I'm feeling at that moment. To whoever out there that's reading my blog, I would really appreciate if you just leave a comment at my chatbox. Be it a word of encouragement or just saying hi, I will really appreciate it. <3

ransom letter


So much has happened lately. Seen through some people, settle on some judgements, visited the doctor and probably gave him a hard time too too as usual. I guess my voews abot life has not changed eversince I realised that I may not be the best product made to survive the harsh environment and reality. A suspected case of a heart disorder seemed to be so much less severe than what I had expected, which was along the line of chronic diseases of some sprt. Ill live to my fullest natter what comes in my way. I've fallen many times, it's hard to get back up but I'm not gonna stop trying. I can tell I'm not too fine with my current condition of always feeling tired or say easily getting tired. Not too much to with insufficent sleep though, I honestly sleep like a pig. About the guy. I'm awfully sorry to him. Nothing much I can do now. I shouldn't have lied to myself till I don't know which is the truth and which is a lie. So I guess I pretty much end up screwing my own r/s, killing a guy. Adding on, he has totally failed in treating me like a stranger, I know he reads my blog still, not at all surprise tht he knows that I updated. Afterall, he's my one and only follower. The best thing out of the wgole drama was that I made him study hard. All the best to him. It ain't too healthy to kill yourself with work but sometimes it's the best way actually. I miss my family, I'm homesick when I'm at my own home. I miss the kind of times we just sit together on the dining table and have our meals. Miss my Mum no matter how nuts she drives me. I hardly ever see her nowadays. Spending more time at the workplace slogging her life off to provide for us. Same goes to my Dad, my heart breaks at the thought of it. Yet the best thing I can do right now is to study harder, do my best, ace my diploma and make them proud an happy for me. I shall get back to work now. Common test's next week. Just a random note. I'm really touched by my lecture. I don't know why but maybe she gives me the feeling of being cared by a mother. See you guys soon, whoeer you are out there. <3

ransom letter